Sick of Spider-Man

It's not that I hate Spider-Man. I don't. I'm a sucker for the Lee/Ditko and Lee/Romita stuff. Very innovative material and a lot of it holds up even now.

But since about the time of the first Raimi movie, this really weird Spider-Man obsession has overtaken the world and I just don't fucking understand it. I mean, Spider-Man, right? He's the Charlie Brown of superheroes. The guys who are completely obsessed with Spider-Man and point to him as their favorite superhero really scare me. So, let me get this straight. The character that you relate to the most (traditionally) is a complete fuck up who can't get a date, can't avoid disappointing what's left of his family, barely holds down a job and even gets made fun of even by his peers in the superhero community? THAT is the character you think most resembles you?

I mean, talk about setting the bar LOW...

But somehow, this clusterfuck, screw up of a character fails UPWARDS in the public eye. We just can't get enough of the superhero world's best answer to affirmative action.

And then there's the name. "Spider-Man". These days, even hearing it just grates my nerves. "Spider-Man". You've got that retarded fucking hyphen in there, a color scheme that makes absolutely no sense for a spider and all of it is I guess supposed to sound like a thing that a teenager would think is all intimidating and shit but it just falls flat for me.

Doesn't help that I think "oh, just fucking die already" about the majority of Spider-Man's supporting cast. Jameson isn't too bad but Aunt May's been dying of the same GD heart attack for twenty year, Mary Jane is the consummate Spider-Man groupie, on and on and on.

Look, if you dig on Spider-Man, more power to you. But more and more, the character is just really starting to irritate me. I don't give a shit about him, that new cartoon show, the Mark Webb/Andrew Garfield reboot or basically anything connected to Spider-Man nowadays. If you do, whatever, but hopefully you understand the other side now.

I've never considered Spider-Man to be a "cool" superhero. Nor as a kid the superhero I wanted to be. Who grows up wanting to be a loser?

But, I would say that I enjoyed how much Spider-Man seemed to enjoy being able to do what he could do. And it's actually a lot of "wish-fulfillment", when you think about it. Nerd develops super-powers over night? What fan of ANY comic book character hasn't wished the same thing would happen to them?

So for that alone, Spider-Man is O.K. in my book.

Hey, I got no beef with that. But the "identifiable" thing Stan Lee came up with has really become a Frankenstein and an albatross for a lot of superheroes. A lot of DC's characters tend to be mythic and inspirational. Not all of them but many of them. They're something you aspire to. I'll give Marvel their due in creating characters who could as easily be supervillains as anything... with their choices being the most important element. A lot of their characters would have just as much excuse to become supervillains as anything and the fact that they don't says something about who they are deep down.

But the "I can relate" shit went from being trendy to being a prerequisite for all superheroes. Frankly, I don't want to "relate" to Superman. It's one thing to halfass identify with Clark. But Superman? Not so much.

And something else, Batman? Most of us can relate to NOTHING about that guy.

Anyway. I respect Marvel, Stan Lee, Spider-Man and the rest on many counts but I sometimes get sick to fuck of hearing about them.